I'm Sorry
by AbayJ
Summary: Greenlee is sorry for more then one thing. A Songfic: KenLee My First AMC Fic


**Title**: I'm Sorry  
**Author**: AbayJ aka Ashley Marie  
**Rating**: PG - 13 for mild language.  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. All characters belong to AMC and the song is I'm Sorry by Dilba.  
**Genre**: Angst  
**Fandom**: KenLee & AMC  
**Summery**: Greenlee is sorry, for more then one thing.  
**Author's Note**: I am a huge KenLee fan and I hate they are ruining their relationship. This is just my story on how it could have been different.

* * *

_I painted a picture of you  
Your soul was red, and your mind was blue  
Destiny laid a light on my creation_

"Kendall, I'm so sorry." I said as I jerked up and look at the woman in the doorway, her husband standing behind her. My best friend eyes were blazed with anger and it broke my heart. Just as much as it broke my heart to look at the little boy who should have been my son, laying in the crib. Just as pale as his mother was.

"_Get Away From My Son_!" She yells and I wanted to cry because I had gotten so far. Spike had been a part of my life and I had ruined it. I had ruined everything but I had been turning around. I had been about to to do the right thing but now it was to late. I had lost everything.

"Kendall, please, don't...don't do this." I whispered as I dodged out of the angry woman's reach. Running into a steal table and making everything fall to the ground with a loud clutter. My hands going to my hair in terror as the items crash and I nearly looses my own balance, my breathing labored.

Kendall just looked at me with hate I had never seen in her eyes. "I SAID GET OUT!" She shouts and once again I shake my head no. I couldn't leave. Not like this. I wanted to say I was sorry and I was going to do it.

"NO, not until you hear me out." I say and takes a step closer to my friend. My teeth reaching out to nibble on my bottom lip.

"You couldn't say _ANYTHING_ that would ever make me want to see you again, so get the _HELL_ out!"

I couldn't hold it in anymore, the tears began to fall. I had ruined so much and now, now I might not ever have the chance to fix it but I had too. I HAD too before it was to late. "No, dammit, listen to me!" I cry out through the tears, coming closer to her again. "Please Kendall."

_This dream I had made  
A slave of my passion  
Reality was always too far away  
And we were happy  
Until it came too close one day_

"Get the hell away from me..." The other woman's voice was soft and I almost took it as a good sign. She wasn't lashing out, not yet. So I take another step closer.

"I never, _EVER_ meant for this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you, or Spike...I love you both to much." I tell her, but she snarls and reaches out and back hands me. Her hand leaving a stinging burning mark on my face and I wonder if it would the be the last touch she'd ever give me and if I should maybe cherish instead of hate it.

"If you don't get out, I will call the cops and have your ass arrested!" Once more, I can't lash out because I knew I deserved this. All of this. Anything she gave me I'd take and I'd try and try again.

"I...I was turning around, I was bringing your son back to you. I swear to you, I was...and..." I try again but this time I'm welcomed with a lunge of her body against mine, her husband holding her back easily in her weaken state.

"Leave Greenlee, my wife doesn't need this." He tells me coldly and I only shake my, because she did. She and I both did. We were sisters, we had a bond no one could touch. Not even her husband. Not even all this pain I had caused. It was still there, I just...I just had to find it again.

"He needed his mommy and I wasn't her...Kendall, I wasn't her and I know that now. That he loves you! Not me and I should have...I should have seen it but I wanted him. I wanted that part of me, you, and Ryan. That last part because I felt that was all I could ever have." I tell her, tears pouring down my face. My heart broken and I needed Kendall because without her, it'd never heal.

_And sudden I faced  
The truth of my dream  
My love had only been a picture, a scene  
I suppose I needed too believe  
Didn't want too see  
You had never been close to me_

"Get out." She mummers, her voice void of any kind of emotion and it hurt me worse then her anger because if she shut me out. We were lost. All our years for friendship and all the love I had for her, was gone. Thrown away like I felt I was.

"Kendall, I'll go but...but please know...please...know I love you. I love Spike and I ne...I never meant to hurt you." I whisper and slip past her husband's wide shoulders. Tears still falling down my face and once I am out of the room, take the corner and lean against the wall. Sliding down until my knees were against my chest and my face was buried. Tears soaking through my knees.

"Greenlee?" I hear a voice and look up to see Jack. I just bury my face back in my knees and begin to rock. Feeling his strong arms engulf me in what could possibly the only love I had left. "Shhhh." He whispers as he tries to soothe me.

"I'm...I'm sorry daddy." I whisper, feeling as if I was a small child but he only pulls me closer. Treating me as one. Something I needed right now because I had never gotten to be a child. Never. Not with Mary.

"I know...I know but...but listen to me okay. Everything will be alright." He whispers and I look up and shake my head because nothing was alright. I had been so close to gaining what I loved back and I had ruined it. Just like I ruin everything. I was the anti-Midas. Everything I touched turned to ruins instead of gold.

"No...nothing will ever be alright." I tell him and begin to lean my head back to my knees but he stops me and wipes my tears.

"Let's go home okay...you can come stay with me and Lily." He tells me and I begin to nod because I didn't want to be alone. Not now.

"Okay." I whisper and I let him help me up. One hand clutching my side and one ankle lifted on the ground, leaning on him. "I'm sorry, I know I'm heavy." I tell him, looking up.

"You can always lean on me." He just mummers and I smile a half smile because without him, I would truly be alone.

_I'm sorry, this illusion  
Has caused you a lot of pain  
And I have no solution  
I'll try to never be back again  
I'm sorry_

"Jack, wait." When I hear Kendall's voice, I jerk around, looking over Jack's arm and we both turn around. Me leaning on him heavily.

"Kendall, not now." He tells her and I know he is ready to push me along again but I stop him. Moving away.

"No, whate...whatever she has to say to me, I deserve it." I mummer and just hold my side. Balancing carefully and wait. Wait for whatever hateful words or accusations she would throw at me.

"I...I just wanted to say...I wanted to say thank you." She says and I feel as if I wasn't hearing her correctly or if she was talking to Jack. Looking back, he seemed as confused as I did. "I..I know how much you did for Spike after the crash and...and I don't know if I can ever forgive you for taking him, but I will always be thankful you weren't selfish and didn't just save yourself. J..Josh told me what you did. How, how you cut yourself out with a shard of glass and...and how you made it to the phone." She stops and shakes her head. Wiping her eyes with tears I had never expected to be shed over me. Not now.

"You...you don't have to say this Kendall, what I..what I did was selfish and horrible. I..I can't even look at myself in the mirror. To..today wasn't about getting you to forgive me, it was my first step on forgiving myself." I tell her the best I could because no matter what illusions I had, I had to face the facts. Kendall and me were over, no matter how much it was killing me inside.

_I painted a picture of you  
__My dream was a lie  
And the lie became truth  
Reality held it's breath too long  
It's disgusting what dreams can do to you_

"I..I know that...I know that you were selfish when you took Spike but you weren't selfish when you saved him. You didn't have to call Ryan. You could have called 911 and told them you and your son were hurt. New Jersey police would have responded and you could have escaped with Spike. You didn't...and...and because of you I have my son and he's getting well." She once again wipes at her eyes and then looks through the window.

"I'll never...I'll never forgive you. Not for what you did but just know, I can't hate you because you saved my son." She says to me and I want to beg for her forgiveness but I knew I had to walk away because that was what she wanted. She would never forgive me and I had to accept.

So I only nod in respose, holding the tears back and once she turns and walks back into the room. I walk over, or hobble over, to where Jack was and lean against him. "Take me home." I feel him pat my back and kiss my head before doing what I asked. Letting me lean on him until we get to the car where he places me gently inside.

_But I'm sorry, this illusion  
Has caused you a lot of pain  
And i have no solution  
I'll try to never be back again_

* * *

_**A week later.**_

I walked outside of my apartment. No longer hobbling or holding my side. I felt better on the outside then I had since the accident. On the inside, I still could barely look at myself long enough to put on my make up. Luckily, if I put enough on, I didn't have to see the real me. Clutching my purse tight, I head for the elevator and pressed the down button and it opens with a ding.

"Greenlee." I hear Kendall say and I look at her in surprised. She had Spike clutched to her and I can only shake my head.

"I...I'll uh take the stairs." I mummer, ready to flee because I couldn't bear to be around her and Spike at the same time. Not when I knew she still couldn't forgive me because I'd wind up doing something stupid, like begging.

"No...do...don't, I mean it's only one floor. We...we're going to go see Uncle Josh." She says and I cross my arms, knowing if I waited long enough, the doors would shut and I wouldn't have a choice. No choices were easier.

"I.If you're sure." I say, knowing I couldn't say no matter what I thought. Any chance to be near the woman I loved more the life, I would take. Even if it meant a 5 second ride to the 5th floor. I don't look at either of them though. Knowing I didn't want to say anything. Nothing it all. Silence was better in a situation like this.

"Ho..How's Fusion?" She asked and I look at her, obviously no one had told her. It didn't surprised me though. It really didn't. No one cared about my stocks, so I had sold them, half to Babe and half to Amanda. They both hated me, or at least Babe did. Amanda tolerated me. Though she had Janet as a mother, so I understood why.

"I..I don't know, I sold my stocks last Friday." I tell her and give her a small smile before turning back to face the wall. "Ho..How Ian?" I ask, not being able to help myself.

"He's good, he might get to come home in a week." She says with obvious joy, something I hadn't heard in her voice since the last night we spent at my house. Cooking up a scent for Fusion Green. But it was to late for memories like those.

"Good, I..I'm really happy for you Kendall." I cross my arms once more against my chest. Trying not to relive any more memories then needed and I wait for the doors to open. Praying for them too. And when they do, I almost regret it. I missed feeling her next to me.

_I'm sorry, this illusion  
has caused you a lot of pain  
and i have no solution  
I'll try to never be back again_

"Our stop." She says to Spike and glances at me once more. "I sold my stocks too. I..it didn't seem right anymore." And I wasn't sure if was happy or I was sad because we had both lost something we loved. Or maybe I was sad because we had lost us. Shaking my head, I swallow back tears.

"Go...Gotta focus on your boys." I say, coming up with any excuse to make it seem like she just didn't want to be around me or associate with me anymore.

She ignores me though and let Spike tattled off to where he knew his Uncle Josh apartment was. She doesn't take her eyes off of him but once the door opens and Josh peaks his head out with a large smile. Picking up his nephew and look around, Kendall gives him the thumbs up and turns back to me. "Will this ever get easier?"

She asks quickly and I can't hold back the half laugh, half sob. As if it told my whole feelings. "At least you aren't trying to kill me anymore." I tell her, wanting it be a joke but my sob tangled it into a painful sound.

"I..I never wanted to kill you, and as much as I want too, I can't stop loving you. You took my son, you crashed a car, and then you saved him. I want to hate you but all I can do is remember you, me, and Simone and how many times she would have said: 'Dammit you two, okay Kendall, you're not perfect and neither is Greenlee. She's sorry and you both...you both are to big for this. So stop it! Love each other dammit!.'" Kendall breaking off to a half laugh and half sob too. Memories of Simone and the pain of loosing her best friend and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"S...she would. She wouldn't...she wouldn't take sides. God I hated that about her." I say knowing nothing more couldn't be a bigger lie, because that was the reason I loved her.

"Th...then let's not. Let's not takes side anymore. I...I know I...I _don't_ know if I can ever get over this fully but let...let's give it a try." She whispers and before I can stop myself, I am launching myself towards her. The words she had said left me feeling with a since I could fly. That my prayers had finally been answer.

"Thank...thank you." I just whisper and when I feel her arms around me. I bury my face against her shoulder. This, no matter what came between us, was where I was supposed to be. Our bond was to big and I couldn't let it go. Neither could she.

_I'm sorry  
I'm sorry  
I'm sorry  
I'm sorry  
I am..._

_

* * *

_

**R/R**: Sorry I know, SAPPY, but what can I say, I love KenLee and this is how I want this S/L to end.


End file.
